I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
