im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
