So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
