Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize