He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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