so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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