I've blown a few things in my day
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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