last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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