i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
