I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
