i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
