No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
