I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Damn victory sex feels great
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
