Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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