i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize