Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
