Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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