remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
