I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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