im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
