I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bring money and cleavage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
