No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
