it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
