She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
