The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just pee around me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize