I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
