Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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