there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
