i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
