She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
