So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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