if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize