nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
