Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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