Buhtt sex?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just gargled with NyQuil
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
