What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
