some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think your dad took our porno
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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