im about as happy as oj after his trial
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
