Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
