Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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