my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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