Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
