My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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