Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
