just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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