..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
