My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
