Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
