You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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