I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
