I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
