Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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