im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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