Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
