Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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