so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
