I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
