Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
