Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize