True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
