I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
how drunk are you?
Several
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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