I didn't shave. On purpose
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
