Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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