nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
