I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
