I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
