how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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