i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
