I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
