when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
