An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
