the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
