new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
