I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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