If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
