i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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