You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
